This is REAL and your ideas

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

e.e. cummings

_______

This beautiful card, poem and bead heart were a tangible, real connection to a blog friend. It has meant so much to me to meet so many present and future Ethiopian mamas through the internet! This is a REAL connection to one of those mamas and it helps make all of this waiting more real to me. This is not some joke or made up scenario! I REALLY am waiting for a referral, for my two very REAL children who will REALLY be in my arms one day. I am going to keep this bead heart in my pocket to remind me that this is REAL! It will also remind me of one amazing, smart and sweet mama to be on the other coast ... someone I hope to meet for coffee in Addis Ababa one day!

It is getting a little bit exhausting run into people. It’s always the same - they ask me about the adoption. They are incredulous that nothing is happening. They get upset – imagine me! I tell them that they won’t have to ask – I will let the world know when I have news. I meet them again next month – we go through the same scenario. What a bummer. I don’t think people even believe that this is ever going to happen!

One more reason why I LOVE my blog friends! All of you understand! If we run into each other, you don’t ask – you know! Because you read this and probably because you are going through this and you know how it goes….

Speaking of which, I want your help. I want to try to think of a way to bring all of your love and support into something tangible for the kids. For example, many in the Chinese adoption community ask folks for a little square of cloth which is later assembled into a quilt for the child(ren), Courtney has started a bead collection and is making a necklace of sisterhood. I love the bead idea, but I want to be able to give this project to my children - whether boys or girls.

Has anyone heard of other similar projects? Any new ideas? I want to do something meaningful, yet simple, lasting and inexpensive.

I'm going to end this post just like I ended a sermon I preached on Sunday... quite embarrassingly, without resolution and abruptly. I just didn't have anything left to say and sat down! So that's it, no conclusion, no wind down, just THE END. (Could this be because I have no resolution in my own life?) the end. that's it. period. losing my mind.