Mommy Reset

The new mommy, by A

2010 was an amazing year, but also one of the most challenging years in my own personal history.  I had just become a mom.  I found out my baby had hearing loss. I battled anxiety.  I broke two bones.  I sent my oldest child to school for the first time.  I spent the summer from h*** in and out of hospitals and doctor's appointments for both boys and for myself.  I survived the humidity and heat of our city during all of the above.

For 2011, I have been given a brand spanking new year's present:  a reset button.  I get a complete break from my 2010 routines.  I get a chance to re-organize my life after the dust has somewhat settled from our first year home.

First of all, I am working again.  It is only in the afternoons and only for a very few months, but I am back as the Director of the afterschool program I began eight years ago.  We have had some staff changes and until the new director arrives in March, I am back at it again.  I've exchanged the responsibility for two little boys in the afternoon, for that of 40 kids.  The change is doing me good.  And the boys are left in very capable hands:  Bill's!  He has shifted his schedule so that he stays home three afternoons and on two afternoons, a very sweet babysitter is here.  It is good for all of us.  Fresh air.  It will especially be good for my relationship with A.  He and I are the ones that need a major "reset" button, for we push each others buttons all afternoon long (he goes to school in the mornings). Now our time is shorter, but sweeter, and I have a chance to step back and figure out how to be his mom in more a more positive way.

I am also upping my exercise routine to: regular.  It was anything but regular last year and my entire being needs my body to be stronger, leaner, tougher.  At the gym, I have been listening to Creating a Family podcasts.  I have such little time/energy to read adoption books, but many of these podcasts on attachment, bonding, behavioral issues, learning, etc. have been wonderful resources for me as a parent.  They are my pep-talks before I go back home and face the day.  It has been so good for me to step back, to remember why I am doing this, to remind myself of what kind of mother I want to be, to get a glimpse of the bigger picture again.

Another thing I chose to start off the year was a major detox.  I have never weighed as much as I weighed at the end of 2010.  I don't blame myself nor am I beating myself up over it, but it is time to change.  I was dealing with so much last year, and eating is just so darn pleasurable for me, but all good things must come to an end :)  I found a mind/body detox here that I have been following.  So far, I have lost 6 pounds, my mind is clearer and so is my outlook. I took a big blog/facebook break, but now I am back. 

I feel really good.  My life feels different, yet the same.  I am not starting the year with anything I am unfamiliar with.  The feeling I have, which I haven't had in a while is this:  I can do it.

Happy 2011 to all of you.  I have missed you.  I have a new bulletin board above my little desk, full of pictures of many of you, my dear friends.  Thanks for the beautiful pictures of your families.  I look forward to sharing another year of our adventures together!

Possibilities and a Question

I am so honored that I have been approached about possibly working at a church in town (one I really respect) as their Director of Adult Faith Development. I wasn't going to look for another job, but this is an interesting prospect. From what I understand, I would be working 12 hrs/wk and could work primarily from home.

The position appeals to me because:

• This is a good, progressive church with people who care about the same things I care about
• I'd be working in my field, but it would still allow me to stay home with my kids
• It would give me a chance to have regular adult interactions when I am spending most of my time with little ones at home
• It would bring a little extra income so we could save more for their college educations
• We'd be able to travel more as a family with the extra income

My concerns are:

• I don't want to take too much time away from my family
• I am not sure if it would make me a better mom (because of the outlet and stimulation) or a worse mom (because of the stress of trying to work from home)
• Bill and I would be going to different churches

I'd love to have comments from you out there (especially moms who may have any insights)!

Last Solo Fling....

I wanted to do something by myself in this time of waiting before I become a mom. I originally thought about going to my favorite retreat center, but I have been so excited and hyper about my life and future that I don't think I could settle down enough.

As we were figuring out when to close out my M***** credit card, I realized I had accumulated $400 worth of travel miles coupons that I needed to use. I though about going to Brazil to visit my dad, but flights to Brazil are about $1,400!!! :(

Since I have to use these miles and since we happen to have cousins living in the south of FRANCE and since plane tickets to France happen to only cost $600 right now ($200 after the coupons).... I am going to FRANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am beyond excited! I could never EVER have thought of a better way to be completely SELFISH (loving it!) before I enter motherhood (which will hopefully teach me to be less selfish). I have never been to Europe and the last time I was in a country where I didn't speak the language, I was 10 years old and just arrived in the USA.

I leave in two weeks and will spend 4 1/2 days in Paris and 3 1/2 days in Chateauneuf de Grasse (close to Nice and Cannes) in the Mediterranean!

I would end this post with some cute French phrase, but after 3 + years of French in High School, the phrase that I know best came from a song from the movie, Moulin Rouge...... NOT APPROPRIATE :) !!

SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Walking in to the "film"
Shock
Hug attack

The kids brought me flowers one by one and then got up to sing for me.

Wow, was I surprised! E and J are in the area for the month on a Sabbatical. Yesterday, I thought we'd decided to get together to hang out for the afternoon, to see a short film being shown by a friend of ours and to go out to dinner. We walk into the "film showing" and I felt so bad for our friend because there were all of these chairs with no one there to watch. I get around the corner and all of the M****** kids, staff, some friends and parents are there yelling "SUPRISE!!!"

Surprise it was and also wonderful! It gave me a good sense of closure and a chance to say goodbye to the kids individually. I am still going to be an occasional volunteer, but we needed this for a clear transition. Enjoy the photos!

Last official day at M********

Today was my last official day at M******. All month I have thought of nothing but the freedom I would have when I no longer had to work 10-6 every day. Bill still works there and our home is only a few blocks away. Next week, I still have to go in for a few hours here and there to work with the kids.

All this to say, that I wasn't anticipating what happened when I left the office. I dont' even have all of my stuff out yet, but when I got my computer and a few books and turned off the light, my throat closed up! I knew I had a big cry stuck in the back of my throat. It hurt! No one was around. The kids and staff were upstairs doing their normal routine... I didn't want to upset them. I walked to my car feeling so sad and overwhelmed! This has been my life for the past 5 1/2 years!

:(

I Love My Job

Today, I had a job emergency. I am not kidding... I absolutely HAD to come home for the afternoon and make cookies with two of my favorite students. Our middle school is getting ready to start a fundraiser (selling boxed cookies) and we needed to field test a recipe. Wow, they were good! I didn't take a picture today, but here is one of the students when she also "HAD TO" come to my house and hang out and practice her flute last week. I always have such a great time with the kids!