I knew the day would come. In fact, it has come before in other forms. It still stinks. The day when you, my beautiful child, with a beautiful, unique, Ethiopian, biological-parent-given-name say you wished you had a name like James. Yes, James just happens to be my grandfather's name (also my cousin's). It is a fine name. A family name at that. But it is not YOUR name, my dear child. Your name seems like a liability to you now. It is a way you stand out from your friends. No one can read it and pronounce it correctly without help the first time. It harkens to a place few people around you know or understand. Not even you, yet. But YOUR name, how can I even put into words your name? It holds so much that you have lost. So much that you will likely struggle to get back piece by piece. It is something your father and I will treasure for you in these early years. And hopefully something you will learn to treasure, too. It has such an interesting meaning. A sometimes comical one. It means I got it. It makes me smile to think of your Ethiopian family looking at you and saying, I got it! For you, my son, are a sight to behold, a wonder to be had. I don't know what exactly they meant when they looked at you and thought I got it. There are so many ways to interpret that phrase. But for whatever reason, now, I have you. I have got it. I've got it! A treasure to hold and ponder. I will keep that treasure safe and close until you are ready to hold it, to own it, to have it, to be proud of its many layers, to be proud of how it makes you uniquely you.
I love that video. And what I wouldn't do to change my name to something unique and meaningful like our children's names. Aberash told me she wanted to change her name to Emma because it's normal and easy to spell. Someday our kids will love their names, I'm sure of it. Ask my son Taidgh.
ReplyDeleteI do hope you are right. I hated my last name at some point. Then I loved it so much I refused to take my husband's last name, even though it is easier to spell and pronounce! I love your kids' names.
DeleteI am in tears after watching this young woman speak. Beautiful names. Thank you for sharing this and your beautiful writing.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful meaning. Your boy is a treasure. You got it.
Glad you liked that video, K! It circulated a while back and it has stayed with me. So powerful. When are you going to write again? I miss you! (And your writing, too!)
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ReplyDeleteYes, such a powerful video. Our youngest has mentioned frustration with the length of his name. Both of the boys have names that are difficult to pronounce, but they are THEIRS. I want them to treasure them. And yes...you got it. :)
ReplyDeleteLove, love, love that video. We have a more complicated name sitation in our house. Zinashi's is straightforward: classic Ethiopian name with the ee sound she added to everything as a toddler at the end. She has always self-identified as Zinashi. I want her to be proud of her name and where it came from. It was given in love, with great hopes for her life.
ReplyDeleteBut I have different thoughts about Elvie's name. It's not common in Ethiopia, and most Ethiopians say that it's not really an Ethiopian name. They squint at us when we say it, ask us if we're sure that's it. We show them the spelling and they say, "It must be a Bible name," which it is. I know that it was given with respect to her situation, and I love the meaning, but it was not given to her by family, and it was the name she was called while she was slowly starving because no one understood her needs, while she was sick. So for her, I don't feel as connected to that first name on its own. That's why we have felt comfortable calling her Elvie, a combination of her first name, with its beautiful meaning, and her middle name, given to her by us. If I could go back and re-do (which I suppose I can, since we haven't done her official name change in court), I would give her an additional name as her first name. I would call her Mintesinswat, which means "there is nothing she can't do."
It's so tricky! I wonder sometimes what both our daughters will think of their names and how we handled them when they are older.
Incredible video - thanks for posting it. Nice to see so many adoptive parents keeping all or part of their children's names.
ReplyDeleteSide bar: we had been in Ethiopia for a while (a week?) and I started hearing his name over and over in random conversations that clearly were not about a specific person. So I finally asked an English speaker what that word meant (since it was obviously a word and not a name that they were saying). "I found it" is what I was told. And so I thought of you and A every day while I was there
ReplyDeleteJulia! I love this! So interesting! I can't wait to share that story.
DeleteI love his name so much...and I had no idea that was it's meaning. I love it! I've got it! :) I am sad that names can be hard for kids but I too think he will love it when he is older. I watched that video a few months ago and it moved me to tears. Made me feel 100% guilty for giving Orange a different first name. And is exactly why Meadow will keep his given Haitian name.
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