My Fathers' Daughter By Hannah Pool

Bill and I don't usually have much patience for reading a book aloud to one another, but this was an exception. It worked for us because it was an easy read and we were both eager to learn of Pool's life as an adult adoptee from Eritrea. Now, when I say "easy read," I am only referring to Pool's style of writing. It is very stream of consciousness and easy to read aloud. It was not, however, an easy read for the future mother of two children who will be adopted from Ethiopia. Her story made me question for the millionth time: "Is international adoption the best thing for the children?"

In Pool's case, this was such a complex question. Her biological mother had died in childbirth. Her father already had other young children to care for. The family struggled to feed and provide for the children. Her father made the decision that adoption was her best option - a heartbreaking decision, as is clear later in her story.

Stop right there. I always get stuck RIGHT THERE. With the money that is spent on international adoption, why can't the money go to the biological family so that the child can stay with them? This is a haunting question, one that I don't have the full picture to answer definitively, but nonetheless, a question that Pool struggles with and that my family will struggle with for the rest of our lives. It is dizzying to weigh global poverty, HIV/AIDS, privilege, culture, race and economics while trying to decide what is best for one individual child, for one individual family. It is an individual answer with responsibility lying on a global scale. It IS about one individual child and family, but it is also about global systems of injustice and inequality that all of us are a part of - these systems of injustice that for hundreds of years have benefited the few on the backs of the many. I think critics of international adoption are quick to point fingers at individual families choosing adoption while excusing themselves from any responsibility in the system that we are ALL a part of.

But I digress ...

Reading Pool's story reinforced some of the things that we really want to provide for our children. An important thing that I think Pool lacked and that I want to make sure our children have is a physical reminder that they are not alone. Cultural camps, friendships with other Ethiopian adoptees and contact with the Ethiopian community in the U.S. will be a non-negotiable responsibility for us as parents. What the children eventually choose to do with regards to these relationships will be up to them. I am so grateful that our children will have each other. Though our extended family has 5 other adoptees, they will not look like my kids.

One of the many tragedies in Pool's story is how little grounding and stability she seemed to have, both as a child and as an adult. I think the early death of her adoptive mother, her father's re-marriage and new siblings added to her sense of isolation, of being the "odd one out."

Her trip to Eritrea seemed so amazing and transformative in her life, making her a part of something for the first time. I only wish that she had spent more time describing how this trip and the new relationships with her family changed her. The short epilogue left me wanting more.

Though in her book, Pool seems to come to the conclusion that international adoption was best for her, in some of her other writings, she seems to be against international adoption, and more specifically, transracial adoption. I would be curious to know what happened between her book and these writings for her to come to that conclusion.

I highly recommend this book. I think it gives adoptive parents a glimpse into feelings our children will have as they grow older and insight into what we can do to make their experience a better one.