Two and a half years ago, I began writing in this 800+ page journal. We had already started our adoption process (with Brazil). I was sure I would write of meeting my children and of the beginning of our life together. It is funny to look back on what you have written and see your naivete...
There was soon a change of plans (it would be next to impossible to bring home young siblings from Brazil), plans filled with joy as I always felt our children were in Ethiopia...
Then the wait started taking its toll ....
With some glimpses of hope...
I drew strength from the Psalms, who seemed to lament with me...
I wondered what was going on outside my understanding...
The wait became so heavy, so exhausting, so repetitive...
And yet, I continue to have beautiful days among the bad. I still laugh. Life continues. I am so grateful for so many things. But I confess, I am tired.
I only have 6 pages left in my journal. I am writing in really tiny letters and not skipping lines any more. I write with more urgency, trying to keep my thoughts compact. I don't want my journal to run out on me.
I am reserving my new journal for what is to come. What will this journal hold?
thank you for sharing this.
ReplyDeletei wish i could write a journal in the way that you have.
no matter what day your old journal ends and your new journal begins it will be just right.
autumn. quinn is an autumn baby, autumn birth, autumn referral - there is something very special about it.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteI love this!!!!!!!!!!! And can't wait to see the posting when you fill this one. When your kids come- you will fill it soo quickly. Partially with the joy and happiness- but also with many of the frustrations and aggrivations you will feel guilty having - since you've waiting sooo long. We already have the card to send you- and we're just waiting with you on the word that we can send it out!!! Hugs and keep on writting- your an amazing woman! KC
ReplyDeleteOh golly Evelyn, I had no idea you had been waiting SO long. I keep you guys in my thoughts and prayers and HOPE that you get that referral soon.
ReplyDeleteDid you know that you can "slurp" your blog into a book with some online softwear (free!). Then, you can have a journal AND the print-out/bound copy of this lovely blog. Just a thought.
I have the SAME journal! Only, I'm a glutton and bought 3 more after I fell in love with my first one! I keep my black one beside my bed and have another black, a blue, and a red! How funny -- isn't it the best journal ever?! I have a think moleskin one I keep with me all the time, that has different sections and a little folder in the back b/c the originals are too heavy.
ReplyDeleteI know you will cherish going back to read through your jounal later - and even moreso, your children will enjoy it! They are so wanted and so loved!!!
Numero Uno on the waitlist, and yet the days pass and doubtless agony! Heartache and hope jockey for a place beneath your chest. But a certain dawn will soon break, ushering in news with lush, joyful thoughts worthy of register in a crisp, brand new journal. Can't wait to come here and share that new day with you, Evelyn, even from afar...
ReplyDeleteCindy
The first pages and the last pages of a journal are so exciting. It's hard to say goodbye to a journal that has been through it all with you. But lovely to begin anew with a fresh perspective and new dreams. It would be nice if you could just write a bit small and then have a few pages for ... finally.
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping that it is so soon for you. I also like your handwriting and your use of colorful pens.
Evelyn, that is so beautiful. How wonderful, and precious, to have a record of these times. The new journal is going to be so happy! I can feel it. You are so special! Your kids are going to be so fortunate to have you and Bill as parents.
ReplyDeleteThis is beautiful beautiful post Evelyn. Thank you for sharing. Know, that on the down days- that there are those of us carrying the Hope for you- for the future journals.
ReplyDeletehi evelyn, i loved this post and hope you get to finish your journal with a referral, i do.
ReplyDeletei am also a journal-er and am on book #4...they are NOT 800 pages a piece though! The first one was the start of the process to travelling. The second was Ethiopia to bringing Maya home. The third is life, 4th is life and the beginning of our journey to #2. thanks so much for sharing. and if your writing becomes so small it can't be read, be brave and add a few pages and stuff them in the back. This wait can't go on forever.
It will hold lots of love and hope... and hopefully, not too many entries before the good news arrives. I hope this one will be more about a new mom getting to know her children!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing a glimpse into your journal. I love the new one, it looks so cheerful - I hope you are writing in it soon! I have been holding my breath for you for days now, I just have this feeling that your children are close, close, close...
ReplyDeleteSolidarity with the waiters!!
ReplyDeleteAnd hoping the last word in that journal is REFERRALLLLLLLLL!!!!!!
Probably in capital letters just like that...
What a beautiful post... Thanks for sharing!! The referral
ReplyDeleteof your precious children will be celebrated by SO many!!
i hope that the covers of these two journals say it all. I hope that this one is filled with lots more colorful, playful, beautiful, exciting, complex things.
ReplyDelete