I'm hitting the PAUSE button in this crazy, insane week, to reflect on new photos I saw of my sons yesterday.
Turns out my beautiful Agegnehu, smiling bigger smiles than I've ever seen in photos, has some serious teeth issues. His top teeth look nice, but his bottom teeth look both stained (common in Ethiopia due to something in the water) and cavity filled. I love him just as he is, but I realize his teeth will be a barrier for how others see him here in the US (for a while, at least).
My baby boy Kibru's pictures also showed something that made me sad - one of his eyes is only half open in a series of photos. He either has a a sty, conjuntivitis or something else (hopefully not serious) going on with his little eye.
Though both of these issues are small in the grand scheme of things - my boys are "healthy" and are going to be nurtured and cared into greater health - they remind me of the sad side of adoption. We are overjoyed and overusing our share of exclamation marks because we are so thrilled to be going to get our boys. It is a joyous occasion, a joyous season. But it also has its scars.
I remember noticing in their referral photo, that Agegnehu had several scars on his legs and a few small ones on his head. Kibru either had a lipstick mark or a scratch on his head. I will never know exactly how or when they got those scars, that mark. There is a part of their lives, filled with scars visible and invisible that I will never know fully.
We are about to be new parents in the flesh and these photos reminded me of the vulnerability of my boys. In seeing pictures of amazingly healthy and beautiful children adopted from Ethiopia, it is easy to forget the trauma that has led them to where they are. My sweet boy's teeth are a reminder that he and his baby brother are survivors of more trauma than I have experienced in my 35 years of life. They are only 3 years old and 7 months old. They already carry so many scars.
I hear ya - similar stories with my kiddos...oh my gosh, if you look at my son's referral photo, his eyes are so swollen from sobbing - I've NEVER seen him look like that with us - I can only imagine all that he went through to come to Horizon House and the trauma (and scars)... *sigh* Makes me tear up just thinking of all that our children have faced...
ReplyDeleteIts so hard to think of our childrens' lives before they became our children. I cannot think of a single one who doesn't come to us with scars, be it visible or not. I think it may be harder for you because they are visible and you have to deal with the "what" "how" of it.
ReplyDeleteRe: teeth. It is possible to have filings and corrective care for baby teeth. Not common, but possible. Even back in the 50s -- my mom had filing on his baby teeth (lived in Panama w/ no floride.)
It must be so hard to see those photos and not yet be able to hold them and to help them get the medical attention they need. The scars will someday be a distant, faded memory, but always a part of who they are. I know you will help them cherish the good things and move on from the not-so great things.
ReplyDeleteIt is so true. So much loss and grief and scars have happened in our children's young lives and at times it can be out of synch with the joy we feel at becoming parents to them. In time the scars will fade and you will be such a good momma to those boys. I can't wait to see them in your arms with the biggest smiles on their faces yet!
ReplyDeleteoh sweet boys. there are so many things we will not know as parents. the teeth will be fine - you can get fillings the color of the teeth. as for the scars...oh i cannot wait to see photos of them in your and bill's arms.
ReplyDeletealmost...
It is hard to think of how much you want to be caring for them now, especially when you see the scars, the evidence of earlier mishaps. It won't be long now.
ReplyDeletemaybe it is my want for there to be no childhood traumas, but i read the fact that A has scars on his legs as a sign that he is active, and playful. I hear scarred legs and I think of running and jumping and skinned knees, If I sent a photo of Joe's legs to anyone, they would be sure that I was abusing him for the amount of bruising and scratching, but it is all from the active nature of boys. So here is hoping that A's legs are telling a story of fun rather than a story of pain
ReplyDeleteOh gosh, I know what you mean. Makes my heart hurt.
ReplyDeleteYour care will make them more beautiful than they are though I imagine they must be handsome beyond, it will make them more fulfilled, will make them richer....
ReplyDeleteSo close now!
Cindy
I remember staying up all night with my 3-month-old nephew Justin when he was in the hospital being weaned off morphine after heart surgery, and I was about 6 months from my referral for Lydia. I sang a hundred bazillion verses of "Twinkle Twinkle" all night to Justin and thought, what if my own baby's in the hospital right now and hurting--there is no one to sing to her. That's when I knew I was her mother, even though I had no idea then who she was (and that's when I started trying to pray for kids who suffer without someone to comfort them). Your invisible umbilical cord has been more and more visible every time you've posted since referral, Evelyn :)
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, you'll get those cavities filled; we've had several filled already for Caroline, and she was a trooper.
Yes, you said it beautifully. We will never know or fully understand all the scars.
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