Take today. Great morning ... at one point, both boys are on my lap and we are reading fun books. A is learning so many words! It feels so good and I am having fun. They play on the back porch while I tidy up a tiny bit. A and I are getting along so well and the baby is playing so nicely on the floor.
Fast forward a bit ... how did it get so late for K's nap this morning? Why doesn't A give a flip about the marvelous airplane I painstakingly made him from a carboard box but instead only wants "uppy, mommy"? How can I hold my three year old "uppy" while the baby needs to be burped and changed? Why is my baby almost asleep in my arms with his bottle and then crazy jumpy fidgety awake as soon as he is down for a nap? Why do little things like that make me want to scream or kick things?
Right now, they are both in bed for their naps. Not necessarily asleep. I don't know how to entertain them. Things I plan don't always go over well. These are the days when I wonder....
Why two kids at once? Why? Why?
What have I done??
It WILL be okay! This is mommyhood. You will survive, and so will they. I promise! Love you.
ReplyDeleteI have these thoughts many days. Someone once told us that God gives us children to remind us we are not in control. It is hard when they don't do what we predict they will! Thinking of you and loving following your story. The boys are precious. Hang in there and remember...they all fall asleep at some point.
ReplyDeleteFrom what I can tell, you are doing a wonderful job with your two boys. I don't have my own children yet but as a teacher of young kids - it is perfectly normal to want to pull your hair out or scream at the top of your lungs in frustration. It's not you... it's the kids. Hahaha!
ReplyDeleteP.S. I'll be trying your bread recipe very soon. :)
Oh yes...this sounds a LOT like many of my days...
ReplyDeletedid i write this and post it on your site?
ReplyDeletethis too shall pass (you know when they are old and grown and moved out and have families of their own but even then will probably do stuff that make you want to scream and kick things!)
Hey, you'd be saying the exact same thing if you had only one child at a time (at least I did). . . .
ReplyDeleteI feel that way with just one. It's amazing how one minute is pure perfection and the next is total chaos, full of meltdowns and total insecurity. Why don't I know how to stop him from whining? Why was he smiling a minute ago and screeching his head off now? And am I a terrible mom for wanting to scream right along with him??! Motherhood...what a ride! :)
ReplyDeletei agree i could have written this and i have only one! one issue is entertaining them for more than 30 min is almost impossible because they are not yet at the age where they have much attention span. ugh! walks are good. dancing is really good. for you and them.
ReplyDeletealso, and this is really really difficult, but when they lay down you lay down. first of all, you won't be up and they won't be wondering what wonderful thing you're about to do when they are asleep. if all the lights go out and you lay down somewhere close by they know nothing is happening. it's hard, i know. but any day you can manage it it may help. then just go with the flow and don't try to get anything done! seriously. for like um the next 12 months.
some days will be better than others. if you've danced one dance, read one book, had a laugh or two and hugged and kissed, you've had a very successful day. nothing else matters or will be remembered.
Oh, you are a good mommy!!! You are doing everything right- this is just how it is.
ReplyDeleteOne thing a friend of mine implemented (and I totally stole from her for my 2 boys) was "room time"- just a 1/2 hour to an hour in the morning when the kids have to play in their room w/o you. It gives you a break and teaches them to entertain themselves. It may need to just be 10 min to start w/ but it has a BIG payoff later when YOU get a BREAK when you need it! ;-)
um, yeah. Seconded.
ReplyDeleteHang in there, Evelyn. It sounds to me like you're doing a great job and the boys are thriving. I imagine all mothers have moments like these, if that's any reassurance to you.
ReplyDeleteHabtamu says to me when I am upset or say I'm sorry to him and he says back me "it's okay mama you are learning" and I laugh....and I say- "yes Habtamu I am" and my angry heart melts- a little... When that doesn't work- I know I too need a time out-laugh!
ReplyDelete