Brothers

 

It seems my boys might grow up hearing "Are they brothers?" asked from the mouths of many (the physical therapist, librarian, checkout lady at the grocery store, nurse, potential school teacher, etc).  I don't understand 1) why that is such a necessary piece of information or 2) why people still ask that question after it has been established that they are both my children (that would make them brothers, right?) or 3) why folks don't realize the insensitivity of that question.  BUT we get asked that A LOT.  I know the real question:  "Are they BIOLOGICAL brothers."   In our case, yes, they happen to be biological brothers, but the question still throws me back a bit.  Agenhu already knows what the word "brother" means.  I am sure he understands the question.  What is going to be the impact on my boys of having to hear that question throughout their lives?  

I don't remember anyone asking my mother whether my two brothers and I were siblings.  Yet I clearly remember an instance where I felt less than a full sister and it broke my heart.  Technically and biologically speaking, I am the only child between my mother and father.  My brothers, Juan and Oscar, whom I grew up with, were of my mother's second marriage.  Technically and biologically speaking, they are my half brothers.  My sweet brother Oscar, 7 years younger than me, learned this technicality at about age 5 or so.  I overheard him tell someone he had one brother and one half-sister.  He was just learning this information and was trying to get things straight.  I took it to mean I was less-than somehow, that I was only half a sister, when in my heart, I loved him completely, without any qualifications.  I cried and cried, like only a twelve year old with a flair for drama can.  My mother had to explain to me that my brother meant no harm and my sweet little brother promised me he wasn't going to call me that again.

Why that story?  Because I remember it to this day.  I remember the pain of feeling like my technical siblinghood did not reflect the emotional siblinghood and connection I felt to my little brother.  What will happen when the technical and biological relationship of my boys gets questioned over and over?  Will they not even think about it and get used to the questions?  Or will they wonder sometimes about the legitimacy of their relationship?  Will they feel they have to prove it?  I don't know, but as a mother, my heart hurts for them.  

Two little Ethiopian boys out with their Brazilian/American mommy and their American daddy.  We are a family.  We love each other.  We don't have to prove it.