Thoughts on Conspicuousness (Part 2) - Confusion

There are some stories that are just confusing when you are a conspicuous family.  People try to do the right thing, but miss the mark, often showing how much our family stands out.  There are so many stories.  Remember this one of my sweet father in law and Scootle-Doot?  Yeah, well there are more.

Once, I was with Scootle and Boo at an Aquarium with friends.  It was busy that day.  I was able to keep Boo close, but excited Scootle was racing from exhibit to exhibit.  At one point, I see that he is getting too far away and I start to call out to him.  Oblivious, he keeps on walking ahead and I lock my eyes on him and try to catch up.  Two older African-American women are near Scootle as he starts looking around.  They see he is lost and one of them gently guides Scootle to an African-American family at an exhibit even further away.  I keep calling out to him and finally the woman's friend gives her an elbow jab and raised eyebrows, throwing her head back in my direction.  The woman registers all of this and returns Scootle to me, with much apology.  This is both comical and frustrating.  I know they meant well and I do not blame them.  It is just frustrating to think of the implications of my lost child getting "returned" to the wrong people!

Something similar happened with Boo.  Last summer, we had an extended family vacation at a beach.  At the beach, Boo is completely deaf.  His processors cannot get wet, so we take them off.  I sometimes try to leave them on when he plays in the sand, but he is so used to it that he doesn't even want them.  This means that Boo ends up playing by himself, content in his own little world, hearing nothing.  Due to the tides that particular week, we set up our chairs on top of a small hill.  Below the hill were little tidepools that the kids liked to play in.  Boo was content staying there by himself while the big kids played in the surf.  There were at least four adults up on the hill watching over him.  He gets up and starts walking around the pools.  A couple comes walking up the beach.  (You can guess what happens next, can't you?)  They decide he is lost and start ushering him in our direction.  I jump up and go down the hill, mama bear mode.  They come to tell us that this poor little boy is lost and ask if we have seen his family.  I let them know emphatically that WE are his family.   I am sure they were flabbergasted and mortified, but I don't even look at them.  I just scoop him away.  FRUSTRATING!

Boo at the beach just last week, in his own world

At a grocery store I frequent REGULARLY with my kids, one of the workers there would always look at us.  Finally, she got the nerve to ask me if I was a social worker.  White woman + black kids = social worker?  I can't quite pinpoint all the reasons why, but the scenario still makes me sad.  I think our culture thinks white people + black children = charity.  Not so!  How could I possibly explain to the world how much I needed children in my life?  How can I explain that as much as one thinks adoption is a "good thing," that the "good thing" is only a tiny piece of the big, complicated puzzle? (Note to self:  try to illustrate this puzzle!)

These stories rest uneasily in my gut.  There are no easy excuses or answers for how people acted here.  I am not even exactly sure how to react.  I am left confused, enraged.  I confess I am also left snickering a bit.  How about you?  Do you have stories like this to share?