Referral, Part III - Giddiness

On Sunday, Bill and I both have responsibilities at our respective churches and are out the door without a chance to talk much. I am painfully aware that I still haven't said "yes" to this referral, even though my loving Bill has. I go to church, full of nervous energy. I go through the motions with the things I am in charge of, feeling more than my body can contain. During the service, I am overwhelmed with this scary/amazing “secret” I have. I picture myself sitting in the pew with little K on my lap. I picture A bashfully going up for children’s time. The thoughts fill me with unimaginable joy. Something is shifting in me and it is shifting fast. We are celebrating World Peace Day, but the pastor preaches on “Welcoming the Little Children.” I want to laugh out loud. I want to run home and tell Bill that I am falling in love with these boys. After church, I am asked point blank by a friend if I have any news. I squirm and somehow tell her the usual shpill though I am laughing inside and am so ready to get out of there! She must have thought I was acting so weird!

Back home, Bill is SO happy to hear the way I feel. We can’t wait to tell people. BUT, we are waiting on the medical evaluation. The adoption clinic is supposed to get results back to us within 48 business hours. So it is SUNDAY and they have until TUESDAY noon to get us the results. TUESDAY! I think I might just die of excitement before Tuesday, but we continue on with our little “secret.” At least we are finally on the same page. I am able to let go of all the junk and look at the picture of my boys again. Fear gets replaced by love.