My interim work in the afternoons is done. I have handed over 40 kids and 5 staff to a most capable and energetic person. I am thrilled to see this little piece of the world that I helped birth flourish. And with Ms. E, I know it will. It makes me happy. Happier still to walk away, to come back to my afternoons at home with my two, hereby to be known as Boo-boo (K) and Scootle-doot (A).
For our first weekday afternoon together again, Boo-boo, Scootle-doot, Samba and I napped, popped corn, cleaned up the back porch and switched out toys. Watching them lying on the floor, playing with cars they had not seen in a while made me wish I could just sit like that, totally engrossed in a little activity. Working threw me back into the world of doing, doing, doing. Even though I am not good at it (notice how little I have blogged), I was doing a lot of multi-tasking. Now, I am a little nervous to just be, to just do one thing.
But I desperately need to be. I have gotten pretty far away from me lately. There has been no time for me. So I have been trying to get to me by falling into my worst of habits ... feeding my hunger for depth with food (which never satisfies, by the way), spending a lot of time thinking about the future (new van, travel plans, etc.) instead of experiencing life around me, not stopping when that inner voice says ... "write this dream down, it's important" or "bring your camera with you tomorrow and capture this" or "write a real letter to that friend you miss" or "blog." Amazing how wise my inner self can be.
Oh, me! Surely there will be a little opening each day now where we can sneak some time together, where we can pick up that journal, where we can sit on the floor and play with the little guys, where we can not stress about what's coming next or where we will find our next sweet. Boo-boo, Scootle-doot and everyone around will be glad we did.
For my birthday last year my mom gave me a book called "Be". I love it. And I love the closing quote:
ReplyDeleteWhat is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime.
It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
I would add:
It is two little brothers playing cars on the wooden floor of their home. It is a woman, a mother, a wife, a community member who can find sweet stillness in the day and Be.
Ah yes, well said....how insightful.
ReplyDeleteyou are on your way back to yourself. So very important!
Love the new nicknames for the boys. Yes, take the camera, I want to see more of everything. Glad you are getting back to some you time.
ReplyDeleteI love these new names too! So much to do, so many places to go, but how lovely to have those moments, just you and the boy and the dog, hanging out and Be-ing, all together.
ReplyDeleteLove the new names! How did you pick them?
ReplyDeleteFinding 'me' time must be a huge challenge and it's something I am afraid of losing once home with the kids. I really like your point of being present in the moment. I am a go go go kind of girl, often working those means to an end. Thank you for the reminder to enjoy the journey!
Hooray for new, stiller, simpler rhythms. So looking forward to hearing more.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad that you feel that your program is in good hands and will flourish. And super glad that you are back with your boys, and that you will let a little more of you have some room in your life. It is a good reminder to me too.
ReplyDelete